What video game characters would our political leaders be?

by Ian Silvera

As a gaming enthusiast, I welcomed the news that 16 MPs from across the political divide attended the recent Parliamentary games day. But putting the joystick in their hands is all very well. What would happen were they on the other side of that screen? What video game characters would our political leaders be?

Ed Miliband – Gordon Freeman in Half-Life

Caricatured as a political geek with Machiavellian undertones, the leader of the opposition could be mistaken for the main protaganist in the Half-Life series. A stereotypical “geek” complete with thick-rimmed glasses and a PhD in theoretical physics, Gordon Freeman is a hero in gaming circles. His appeal? Not your typical gun-toting, alien killing, muscle-bound gym monkey, Freeman is a cool, calculated killer who would certainly approve of Mr Miliband’s rise to power. Like his equivalent at the dispatch box, while sometimes quiet and unseen, when Freeman does speak, it is usually notable and damning. With this in mind, like Freeman, it would be dangerous to think of Miliband as a shrinking violent. Personal attacks will not stop this ambitious man’s progress.

David Cameron – Ditto in Pokemon

While this playground craze may have been a little after our prime minister’s time, he nonetheless brings to mind one of the small Japanese monsters popularly known as Pokemon. Not quite akin to the better-known, bright yellow, cuddly-looking Pikachu, Cameron instead resembles Ditto, an almost colourless Pokemon with a unique power of transformation. Ditto has the capability to turn into any other Pokemon on command – making him a versatile and strategic gain for collectors of the characters. Once a Thatcherite Conservative, now (supposedly) an admirer of Tony Blair, Cameron has changed his political ideology annually to gain power. While his versatility is perhaps to be admired, consistency is certainly not a “power” he possesses, favouring U-turns aplenty.

George Osborne – Agent Forty Seven in Hitman

Best described as Cameron’s economic “hitman”, the chancellor would be at home in the gaming franchise of the same name. Agent Forty Seven, a bold” international contract agency” test subject with a barcode tattoo on the back of his neck, may not look like Obsorne. But there are some non-physical comparisons to be drawn. Ruthless Agent Forty Seven has been rigorously trained in assassination; he is noted for speed, accuracy, intellect and strength. Osborne, meanwhile, has employed “slasher” economic policies, aiming to reduce the deficit in four years by increasing VAT, cutting benefits and increasing tuition fees. A brutal economic hitman, if you will.

Nick Clegg and Vince Cable – Lemmings

Players of this addictive game will remember that the goal is to cajole dozens of small green-haired creatures to work together to climb, dig and fly across a challenging landscape. But if things get too tough, they can self destruct – not unlike senior Liberal Democrats, Nick Clegg and Vince Cable. Both  have played their roles in helping the Tory-Lib Dem government climb across the dangerous political landscape of Britain using a plethora of tools: digging (supporting the Tories tuition fee increases), flying (Clegg soared during the television debates) and of course, bridge-building. But both have fallen prey to the self-destruct button. Vince Cable’s self-obsessed threat of a “nuclear option” has badly scarred his previously teflon reputation, while Clegg’s U-turns on tuition fees and bank bonuses have imploded his pre-coalition Messiah status. Adhering to the rules of the game – “unless assigned a special task, each lemming will walk in one direction ignoring any other lemming in its way”,  they have left Liberal Democrat supporters stranded in a lemming-like desolate landscape.

Politics, of course, is not a game. The problem with people like Cameron, Osborne and Clegg is that they think that it is.

Ian Silvera is founder of Game-View.net.


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3 Responses to “What video game characters would our political leaders be?”

  1. Robert says:

    Rachett and clank if you ask me.

  2. Mike Thomas says:

    Gordon Freeman is a puppet for the G-Man and widely considered to be rather evil presence; which is a handy analogy for the Trades Unions I guess.

    I’d have him as Sonic the Hedgehog, latent spiky hair and all rather pointless really.

  3. See for me, Nick Clegg is clearly Sonic, because as far as I can tell, all you have to do is run to the right as fast as possible!

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