by Kevin Meagher
I must confess to being entirely unfamiliar with the concept of a “super off-peak ticket” until the other day when the attendant at St. Pancras Station pointed out that I had one and, given it was after 3.15pm, I was ineligible to travel on the train I was just about to hop on to.
If I’d had the forethought to buy an off-peak ticket (which I thought I had), I could have travelled until 4.00pm. That’s the point when the cheapo riff-raff (like me) are chucked off the system altogether for the full fare brigade and have to wait until 7.00pm.
And what pleasure lay in store!
All I can say is “thank you” East Midlands Trains. Thank you for the ancient, rattling rolling stock.
Thanks, also, for the uncomfortable seats, with spongy cushions and itchy coverings.
For the fixed armrests and legroom designed for Snow White’s pals.
For the hair-trigger vestibule doors, which fling open with every gust of wind.
For the depleted buffet trolley, with its cold tea and warm beer.
For the blocked toilets and lack of running water.
And, perhaps most of all, thank you for the unmistakable aroma of stale food and bodily gasses, that seems to permeate from the carriages of all of your services.