Straight Outta Corpus

We’re a little concerned that Andy Burnham doesn’t seem to have got the hang of the whole entourage thing.   Last night he was hanging round the House of Commons on his own.  This afternoon he was waiting for a bus outside Victoria Embankment gardens – on his own.

Come on Andy.  Get a grip.  As even the most middling hip hop gangsta could have told you, you are nobody if not surrounded by people whose presence in your presence serves no purpose.

Once the special-branch-protected holder of a great office of state, David “Fiddy” Miliband is the modern master of this art.  From the black clad men with submachine guns outside his house in Primrose Hill to the PPSes and campaign flunkeys who shepherd him from terrace to tea room introducing him to people he should know, he is never alone.

His brother, Ed “Snoop” Miliband, more unassuming till recently, has learned fast.  His appearance at last night’s New Statesman hustings brought squeals from gaggles of ecstatic young Fabianistas. But he can now not be reached through the armour of his entourage.

The Snoop Miliband posse, as you would expect, is lighter-hearted and more charming than Fiddy Miliband’s, which is cool and serious, but underlain with a slight air of menace.  Snoop’s boyz will crack a joke and make you feel at ease.  Before they kill you.

In truth, there is some way to go before either will be ready for the mean streatz of Compton or Queens.  The pimp-stick-wielding bad boyz in Snoop “Ed” Miliband’s krew include London barrister, Rt Hon Sadiq Khan MP, the Oxford don, Dr Stewart Wood and “Big Sista” Polly Billington, formerly of BBC Radio 4’s Today programme.

Fiddy “David” Miliband’s top homeboyz are people like former ITV corporate affairs director Jim “Smackup” Godfrey and former FCO special adviser Madlin “Mizzlsizzl” Sadler.

It is a long way from Watts to Westminster.  And the sad truth is that the Miliband boyz are not so much Straight Outta Compton as relatively recently graduated from Corpus Christi.  Not so much Tupac and Biggie as, well, David and Edward.

Let’s hope Andy’s not still waiting for the bus.

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7 Responses to “Straight Outta Corpus”

  1. Derek Bunce says:

    Blimey! I’m almost relieved John isn’t standing any more – somehow I don’t think John “Rappa” McDonnell quite hits the spot!

  2. Amanda Ramsay says:


  3. John Slinger says:

    V funny indeed. But there’s a serious point to it I think and that is that the most unassuming candidate (i.e. the one who doesn’t barge around with a ridiculous entourage of self-important wannabes) is almost certainly the most genuine and less egotistical of them all. I remember from when I worked in the Commons that about the only minister (let along Cabinet minister) who didn’t walk around with his own homies was Alan Johnson – routinely regarded as perhaps the most decent, friendly, straight-forward and genuine senior Labour politician (oh, and polls suggest most liked by the public – I wonder why?) I used to see Alan Johnson chatting to the canteen staff as did we researchers. I used to see him walking back to his department ON HIS OWN and walking around the House of Commons ON HIS OWN.

    You have to ask the question: what kind of person feels the need for an entourage? Do they have a narcissistic personality disorder? Are they insecure? Are they overly ambitious? Are they obsessed with image? Are they power hungry/mad? Conversely, what does it say about a politician who eschews such an entourage? I think it says they’re definitely none of the above and for that, they’re all the more likely to win my vote come polling.

  4. Mike Olley says:

    I’m with the slinger………..

  5. AmberStar says:

    Andy Burnham sounds perfect for leader – somebody tell me why he is miles behind the Milibrothers. 😎

  6. Renu says:

    wop ! Very very funny ah!

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