Twas the night before Christmas (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

by Rob Marchant

Twas the night before Christmas, and in Labour’s house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St Jeremy soon would be there.


Corbynistas were nestled all snug in their beds,

Political utopias danced in their heads.

It’s ok, they dreamt, don’t pay heed to the polls,

The party loves Jezza, despite the own goals.


It’s not pesky voters ‘bout whom we should bother,

As Brecht said, dissolve them, then elect another.

Not true that each interview’s now a car-crash,

Or that they didn’t trust us with their hard-earned cash.

I looked up to heaven, despairing of all

How would the party ever get over this fall?

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.


With a beardy old driver who, twinkling, says,

“Merry Winterval“, I knew it must be St Jez.

More rapid than eagles’ advisers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!


“Now Johnny! now, Seumas! now, Fletcher and Lansman!

On, Kenneth! On, Owen! On Murray and German!

Drive away those MPs! Drive them up the wall!

We’ll replace them with our folk, for one and for all!”



And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St Jeremy came with a bound.


He wasn’t quite Santa, and not dressed in red,

Apart from the tie, and the thoughts in his head.

He was dressed in a jacket, and a sooty smile,

Kind of Seventies-geography-teacher in style.


But his eyes, how they twinkled! He seemed quite delighted

To see the party’s good name with Stop the War blighted.

An ascetic face, the skinniest belly,

Entirely unbothered by the folk on the telly.


He opened his sack, he opened it wide,

As all of us wondered just what was inside.

You see, his approach hadn’t changed through the years

Within, it was all full of Eighties ideas.


He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Distributing pamphlets, as if quite beserk.

Then, laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!


He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But someone exclaimed, ‘ere they drove out of sight,

“If he’s still here next Xmas, it’s thank you and good-night!”


Rob Marchant is an activist and former Labour Party manager who blogs at The Centre Left

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12 Responses to “Twas the night before Christmas (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)”

  1. Delta says:

    Merry Christmas Rob and happy Hanuukkah.
    I hope you have a great season maybe in a parallel dimension we could have met and a group of us alongside Master Painter and dare i say it some lefties, could forge a collective path for the Party.
    But that is a dream and next year will be bad for you all (politically).
    The good news is the referendum has taken the win out of UKIPs sales and the BNP are a memory.
    So the remains of the day are not so bad 🙂

  2. Hi Rob,

    Thanks to you and all at Labour-uncut for your work on the blog.
    I know 2015 has been a very bad year for you and your party, as it has been for my party.

    May 2016 bring hope for the future, of some way we can prevent twenty years of Tory rule. And perhaps with opportunities for us to work together to achieve that end.

  3. Mike Homfray says:

    So when will you finally decide Labour is no longer the arty for you?

  4. Rallan says:

    Seeing your evident loss and distress,
    I don’t have the heart to mock you or jeer.
    So I’ll just wish you Merry Christmas
    And a maybe even a Happy New Year.

  5. Tafia says:

    Rob Marchant is an activist and former Labour Party manager who blogs at The Centre Left

    Rob Marchant is about as centre left as Donald Trump’s ball-bag. He is also a sulk and getting more bitter the longer and more entrenched the Corbyn regime stays in power.

    It’s becoming pitiful to watch.

  6. Looks like poor Rob has been on the sauce already. From me, a merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year to all Labour supporters, whether friends of Corbyn, ‘moderate’ far right ultras like Rob, or anyone in between.

  7. aammy gravano says:

    Twas the night before new years,
    and all through the ******* projects,
    not a handgun was silent,
    not even a TEC.

  8. aammy gravano says:

    And a polite christmas request whenever anyone on here describes themself as an ‘activist’ could they please insert the following before the word ‘activist’

    ‘Yoohoo, look at me everyone, I’m an’.

    As in

    Rob Marchant is an ‘Yoohoo, look at me everyone, I’m an’ activist and former Labour Party manager

  9. John P Reid says:

    I predict the London mayor election will be the equivalent of the 1982 shock we were behind in the polls and the Eu election will be the equivalent of the 1983 election, when the leave campIgn get more votes than the 35% currently expected, the party will treat it as, oh it’s just another defeat,no big deal,as we did in 1983 and the September conference will be the equivalent of the 1984 Miners Strike,and calls of trechory .
    2017 will be like the 1985 conference,when we have our year zero moment and the civil at,reaches peak,if we’re massively behind in the polls the view of a coup, will see, the momentum,Corbynistas, going all out to seize hold of local CLPs to stop talks of a coup

    Then the council elections of 2018 will either be wipe out with, Jeremy as leader, or it’ll be to late to do anything and Corbyn will leads us to a Tory majority,with boundary changes of 125 in 2020, the equivalent of where we were in 1988, and come 2025 we will be where we were in 1993 so a possible victory is achievable then
    All depends on how savage the civil war in 2017 is

  10. JohnP Reid says:

    Ninety five percent of the people,who voted Jeremy, are proud to say that it’s Bette r to lose heavily in 2020 on a far left manifesto,as if we don’t Stand On it ,we might as well not do at,a s what’s the point standing if we’re just Tory light Red Tories, compromising to win, win Tory policies
    It’s a respectable view to have
    But the momentum CLPD people will keep pushing the idea that Ed Miliband lost as he was blairite and it’s the Blairites fault he lost despite
    Ed Miliband rightly saying
    A) New labour is over
    B) denouncing Blair’s name at conference to Boo’s door Blair’s name
    C) saying I’m moral unlike Blair
    D) we’ve got out party back
    E) and that old labour was a electoral winner

    The next few yes will sea civil war if we’re 15% behind in the polls, the CLPD people, can argue that it’s ok to be far behind in the polls n dose the next election on a far left manifesto,and the rift of the party can argue this is suicide and if we want the Tories shout we can’t stand on those views, but who Ever is right, we can’t let the far left push the lie that it was the right of the party(Blairites, or whatever they call us) fault that Ed lost ,it wasn’t ,if they keep pushing it, they’ll convince the party that it’s the right of the party that Jeremy is so unpopular and they’ll convince the party if we lose massively that it wasn’t the far lefts of the party, that we may lose so badly they’ll civic e the party that it’s everyone else’s fault ,such as the right of the party’s fault of we lost badly in 2020 and that they can then blame the right of the party to try to get another far left wing leader in,in 2020 and we’ll head for another crushing defeat in 2025

  11. Rob Marchant says:

    Well, thank you everybody – a very Merry Xmas to you all. Life’s too short not to have a bit of goodwill to all men, women and children.

  12. anosrep says:

    Well, most of the lines rhyme and some of them scan. I think that’s the highest praise that can be made of this post.

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