by Victoria Williams

Where do former Conservative party members go to die? Not, as one would hope, to Eastbourne. Rather, it seems that they are taking to the blogosphere. Formerly actual and currently self-styled “Conservative activist“, Richard Carvath, first emerged from the political ether as an independent candidate for Salford and Eccles in last year’s general election. He has been causing something of a stir ever since. Of which more later. First, some background.

Carvath was unceremoniously booted from the nasty party back in 2008, after annoucing his opposition to Stonewall, and publically declaring “Allah is actually Satan“. Ever since, he’s taken to the internet with gusto, becoming a lean, mean, tweeting, blogging machine. After a brief flirtation with Islamophobia, the hardline Christian turned his attentions to homosexuality, and hasn’t looked back since.

All of which was fairly inconsequential when he was a failed independent who garnered just 0.9% of the vote in the general election. But having already received a written warning from Manchester police after previous internet comments about the Tory selection for the area, he managed to put himself right back on the map in November last year, with this blogpost.

Carvath’s homophobic comments about openly gay Tory, Matthew Sephton, made in defence of the current ban on homosexuals donating blood, caused widespead offence. Many remarked on his curiously specific obsession with Sephton apparently “taking another man’s penis in his mouth“ (“methinks he doth protest too much“ was a statement deployed numerous times in response).

This article, although it was only one of many on the topic, even earned Carvath dismissal from the ranks of the Conservative Christian fellowship. When it turns out that your views are too right-wing for even the CCF, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your life.

Why am I telling you this now? Well, a renewed surge of interest in the piece this year after one wag on the Guardian website posted a link suggesting Carvath as a candidate for satirical Channel 4 news show, 10 O’ Clock News, has prompted him to redouble his virtual bile, with hilarious results.

First up, on his main blog, Carvarth is introducing the world to a brand new concept: heterophobia. Yes, in that confusing way that only uber-hardcore religious nuts can, Carvath claims to feel nothing but love for his fellow “disgusting homosexual perverts“. Yet there was a deluge of comments left on the offending post throughout January, suggesting that he try sticking a penis, or indeed any other uncomfortable object, where the sun don’t shine. Carvath now claims that this amounts to a hate campaign, making him a victim of rampant “heterophobia“. He has our sympathies, I’m sure.

Second, on his hilariously titled “hardcore“ blog, Carvath chose to kick off February with a post – including an “adult content“ warning – on the dangers of what he’s decided to call “chocophillia“. Apparently, some deeply deluded perverts are choosing to involve chocolate and all manner of other foodstuffs (although not, Carvath laments, broccoli) in their love-lives.

The anti-fun campaigner wants it to stop, now. People, he fears, are confusing sex with a meal (there goes that oral fixtion of his again). This is damaging to the true purpose of intecourse, which is to “strengthen marital bonds“, naturally.

What’s funny about this, in both the humorous and the queer sense (no pun intended) is that it’s starting to look a lot like Mr Carvath, at least in his present incarnation, may actually be some kind of genius satirist in disguise.

The clues are there – he claims numerous times on his blog to be talented at satire, going so far as to claim that it would be unfair for him to take on Cambridge-educated comedian, David Mitchell, because the odds would be stacked too heavily in Carvath’s favour.

Whatever the truth, something is definitely not right with the whole thing. As recently as January this year, Carvath claimed on his blog that he was not a member of the Conservative party, but a Green party blog has him pictured proudly displaying a new membership card in September 2010.

So is he for real, or is he not? Is he a card-carrying Tory, or is he not?  The truth, one suspects, will eventually out. Until then, it’s worth keeping an eye on this particular Dick.

Victoria Williams is a freelance journalist.

Tags: Richard Carvath, Victoria Williams

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